Consequences
by dawneh
Summary: There are always consequences to your actions... some worse than others as John Paul finds out... warning not for the squeamish this isnt a very pleasant fic ! In Ch2 John Paul has to learn to face his fears.. with Craig right by his side
1. Chapter 1

"You still owe me dessert."

John Paul smiled as he read the text message.

"You'd better come and collect it then," he sent back.

Sitting alone in the living room of the McQueen house John Paul was pulled from his reverie by an unexpected knock at the door.

As he answered the knock John Paul couldn't help but smile at the sight of Spike standing before him with his phone in his hand.

"Would now be a good time?" Spike slipped his phone into his pocket with a grin before moving forward to pull John Paul forcefully into his arms, pressing a fierce kiss against his mouth as he walked him slowly backwards into the house and kicking the door closed behind him.

John Paul felt his body respond instantly to Spike's urgent touch, a mixture of desire and guilt coursing through his veins.

It was only yesterday that he had held Craig like that, kissed Craig like that. It was only yesterday that he had taken Craig into his bed and yet here he was less than 24 hours later in the arms of another man, the man he was supposed to be in a relationship with. John Paul couldn't help but wonder what kind of a person he was to be able to treat Spike so badly. Was what he had with Craig worth such a betrayal?

As Spike's hands moved over John Paul's back, his fingers gripping onto his buttocks, all thoughts of guilt were pushed from John Paul's mind, replaced by a lust that Spike's frantic kiss ignited.

There was a desperate hunger in Spike that excited John Paul as hands began to tear at his clothes reaching for the naked flesh beneath.

John Paul broke away from the kiss, panting and flushed as Spike began to tug at his belt.

"We should really take this upstairs," he gasped, "Anyone could walk in."

Reluctantly Spike nodded his agreement and, taking a firm hold of John Paul's hand, he led the way upstairs.

No sooner had John Paul closed his bedroom door than Spike turned to him and pushed him back hard against the cool wood.

Any words of complaint were lost as Spike's mouth covered John Paul's parted lips, his tongue pushing its way into that hot opening.

John Paul's arms snaked around Spike's body holding him tightly and welcoming the craving in his kiss, feeling such a desire from this man was making John Paul's head spin.

Spike ran his hands over John Paul's shoulders, trailing them along the length of his arms, pulling them away from the embrace that was holding him he stretched them high above John Paul's head, pinning them in place with one strong hand.

Spike's kiss deepened as he pressed his body into John Paul's grinding himself against the growing hardness before him, drinking in the sounds of pleasure growling in John Paul's throat.

With his free hand Spike quickly found it's way into John Paul's jeans gripping tightly onto the firm erection he found there causing John Paul's growls to grow deeper and louder.

Relaxing his grip on John Paul's wrists Spike leaned against John Paul's ear whispering into it.

"Turn around."

John Paul complied without question as his desire for Spike's touch burned deep inside him.

Once he was facing the door Spike again tightened his grip on the arms held firm above John Paul's head before easing John Paul's trousers and boxer shorts down over his hips.

Spike pressed the weight of his body against John Paul, pinning him tightly against the door with barely room to breathe.

John Paul felt a movement behind him as Spike quickly undid his trousers before hardness of his cock pressed against John Paul's naked behind.

Spike slid his finger into his mouth to wet it before pushing it forcefully inside John Paul.

John Paul cried out at the sudden rough intrusion, but instead of ceasing his actions Spike pushed his finger in deeper with more aggression, pulling another cry of pain from John Paul.

John Paul was gripped by a sudden unexpected fear as he felt Spike's breath hot against his ear.

He breathed a momentary sigh of relief, as it seemed that Spike realised what he was doing and slowly removed his finger from John Paul's body.

But John Paul's relief was only short lived as seconds later he felt the head of Spike's swollen cock resting against his opening.

He could hear Spike panting in his ear and when he spoke Spike's words chilled him to the core.

"So exactly how long have you been fucking Craig behind my back?" Spike's words were harsh and cold as he spat them at John Paul.

"I don't know what…" John Paul's lie was lost in a cry of pain as Spike rammed himself deep inside his body.

"Don't even bother trying to deny it," Spike snarled, "I would hope I at least deserve some honestly."

"It's not how you think," John Paul said tears of pain and fear beginning to trickle over his cheeks.

"Did you let him fuck you like this?" Spike punctuated each word with an angry thrust of his hips tearing into John Paul.

"Spike… please…" John Paul's voice shook with anguish but Spike took no pity as he pushed himself hard and fast into the trembling body in his grip.

"Or maybe he let you into his virgin little hole, is that how it worked?"

John Paul strained to break free of Spike's hold but each struggle just made the man hold him tighter and hammer harder into his tender flesh.

Tears were flowing freely over John Paul's cheeks as he felt his body being abused so brutally by someone who until recently had only ever touched him with tenderness.

"You make me sick," Spike's breathing was heavy as he spoken until, with a loud grunt, John Paul felt the body behind him tense as Spike came, spilling deep inside John Paul's violated body.

Spike instantly released John Paul from his grip and watched with a blank expression as he sank to the floor.

Quickly fastening his trousers Spike looked down at the broken form before him with no pity.

"Get out of my way," he said pulling at the door and pushing John Paul aside, "I can't bare to look at you for another second."

Leaving John Paul on the floor trying to pull up his jeans with shaking hands Spike left the bedroom and headed down the stairs.

He paused for a moment at the front door a sudden wave of guilt washing over him. How could he have done such a thing to John Paul? How could he have so easily hurt that gentle boy he had begun to fall in love with?

He turned his head for a moment looking back up the stairs but he already knew it was too late to return.

Opening the door Spike was startled to see Craig, his hand raised as if about to knock.

Craig, the person who John Paul had taken to his bed without a thought. Craig, the person that John Paul had betrayed him with so easily.

All of the rage returned to Spike in an instant as he shouldered Craig out of the way to get past him and leave the house.

"He's all yours," Spike spat out venom dripping from his voice, "and you're welcome to him."

Spike marched away from a confused looking Craig without a backward glance.

Entering the house with a worried frown Craig called out John Paul's name. Getting no answer from the downstairs he made his way to John Paul's bedroom.

The sight he found there tore at Craig's heart.

Hunched up on his bed with his knees tucked tightly under his chin and his arms hugging his legs close to his chest sat the weeping form of John Paul.

"What's happened?" Craig whispered as John Paul turned his tearstained face towards him.

"Spike… he…" John Paul's shoulders shook with renewed sobs as he buried his face into his knees.

Craig moved nervously over to the bed and sat tentatively next to the tormented figure of his friend.

He reached out a hand to place it gently on John Paul's arm, surprised as John Paul flinched away from his touch.

"Has he hurt you?" Craig winced at his own question with the obvious answer sat shaking before him.

"He guessed… about us," John Paul's words came out in gulps as he spoke between sobs, "He just went mad and he …" John Paul closed his eyes and couldn't finish the sentence.

Craig's jaw dropped with the realisation of John Paul's unspoken words and the sudden knowledge that it was much more than simple physical violence that had been inflicted upon his friend.

"John Paul, I'm so sorry," Craig could hardly speak as the grief and guilt knotted together in his stomach. John Paul had wanted to be honest from the start. It was Craig that had insisted on the lies and deceit and now it was John Paul who had been forced to pay the price.

"Is there anything I can…" Craig's words sounded hollow in his ears, "Do you want to…"

The broken blue eyes of John Paul looked at Craig, piercing into his soul and making him feel small and worthless.

"Tell me it hasn't been for nothing," John Paul begged.

Craig reached out tentatively, wanting to hold John Paul in his arms bur afraid to violate the protective circle his friend had put up around himself.

"I don't know what to say," Craig's tone was pitiful as he searched for anything that could possibly make this situation any better.

"Tell me that you love me… at least a little bit."

"I do love you," Craig admitted without hesitation, "And not just a little bit."

John Paul flung himself into Craig's open arms accepting the comfort that they offered. His sobs began to ease as Craig held him tightly and once again John Paul started to feel safe.


	2. Chapter 2

"Come on John Paul… just come out for a while… you've been in your room for days now. Your mum's gonna start wondering what's wrong." Craig tone was worried as he hovered at the foot of John Paul's bed.

"I told her that I'd split up with…" John Paul couldn't finish the sentence, couldn't say they name, his eyes flickered for a moment towards his bedroom door the memories of that evening still fresh and raw in his mind.

Craig observed his friend with concern. The dark circles under his eyes showed how little sleep John Paul had been getting, their gentle blueness was now tinged with something darker, a haunted look that make Craig want to weep.

He knew that he had to get John Paul out of this room and back into the world, before what happened with Spike grew in his mind into something insurmountable that he would never get beyond. He had to get through to him before the John Paul that he knew was lost forever.

"Please John Paul," Craig said softly, "Just come to the Dog for one drink… please… for me."

John Paul looked into Craig's eyes and seeing the anxiety there he sighed, he knew that had the situation been reversed he would have done anything he could to help his friend, how could he refuse Craig's similar offer?

"OK," he agreed reluctantly, "Just one drink though. Give me a minute to get changed."

There was a pause before John Paul continued. "I'll see you downstairs…"

Craig nodded and turned to leave the room. John Paul had never been bothered about undressing in front of him before, but then a lot of things had changed with John Paul recently.

John Paul removed a clean top from his dresser and pulled it over his head, tugging the sleeves lower to cover the bruises around his wrists, a constant reminder of where Spike's fingers had gripped him.

Craig tried his best to raise John Paul's spirits as they walked the streets of Hollyoaks towards the Dog but any smiles that he achieved were forced and never quite made it to John Paul's eyes.

He itched to place a comforting arm around John Paul's shoulders as they walked, to hold on to his friend, his lover and show the world just how he felt. But he didn't. Despite the promises he made as he held John Paul in his arms that night Craig still hadn't managed to tell Sarah the truth of their relationship. Even now, with everything that happened, he was still forcing John Paul to lie for him.

As they approached the pub John Paul stopped in his tracks a resurfacing fear gripping his chest as he saw Spike walking out of the door.

Spike stopped dead his eyes wide at the sight of John Paul and Craig. Without realising he was doing it John Paul took a step backwards placing himself half behind Craig.

"John Paul…" Spike hardly had time to get the name out before Craig turned to him with a snarl.

"You just keep away from him."

"John Paul, I need to talk to you…" Spike stared intently at the figure cowering behind Craig.

"Just leave him alone, there's nothing YOU can say that he wants to hear." Craig's hands were balled into fists at his sides, his words coming out through gritted teeth.

Spike's eyes moved to Craig for a second, "What are you… his bodyguard now?"

"Well someone needs to be with animals like you around."

Spike flinched at the accusation but rather than backing down he said the one thing that he know would put Craig in his place.

"So you've told Sarah about you two then?" Craig's eyes lowered in shame. "No I thought not."

Spike turned his eyes back to John Paul, guilty washing through him as he noticed the pained look in those soft blue eyes.

"John Paul please, just give me a second… let me…" The sentence hung in the air unfinished; they all knew that there could be no explanation for what he had done.

As John Paul looked at Spike a sudden realisation hit him. Over the past few days the memory of Spike had grown into a terrible monster that had him waking in the night sobbing soaked in sweat and wracked with fear. But the Spike that was stood before him now was no monster. He was just a man like he had always been. Just a man who was ashamed of what he had done.

John Paul placed a hand on Craig's shoulder and squeezed it gently.

"It's all right Craig," he said, "I think I want to hear what he has to say."

"You can't be serious, you really want to give this scum the time of day?"

"Go and get me a drink," John Paul squeezed Craig's shoulder again, "I won't be long."

"I'm not leaving you with him."

"Please Craig, this is something I need to do… I'll be fine."

Reluctantly Craig made his way inside the pub leaving John Paul to face his attacker alone.

"I'm so sorry John Paul," Spike began, taking a step forward, "I don't know what I was thinking… I WASN'T thinking… I just… I lost it… if I could take it all back you know I would."

"And what is it you expect from me?" John Paul asked with bitterness, "Forgiveness? Understanding? What?"

"I just want you to know... I'm sorry."

John Paul looked Spike up and down; somehow this monster seemed to be shrinking before his eyes, turning into nothing more than a pitiful wretch.

"I don't care how sorry you are. I'll never forgive what you did, NEVER. It's something we'll both have to live with for the rest of our lives. But at least I know I've got nothing to be ashamed of. Can you say the same?"

Spike shook his head as his eyes dropped to the ground, he knew that the shame he felt over his treatment of John Paul was never going to leave him.

"Just go … I don't ever want to see you again."

As Spike began to move away John Paul spoke again.

"Oh and Spike, one more thing…"

Spike turned back just in time to see John Paul's fist charging at his face and as it connected with his mouth it filled it with the hot metallic taste of blood. The force of John Paul's blow caused Spike to stagger backwards before losing him balance and falling into a crumpled heap on the floor.

John Paul stood over the mess of a man at his feet and felt a terrible weight being lifted from his chest.

"I'm nobody's victim," he spat, "Especially not yours."

Without a backwards glance John Paul strode confidently into the pub where Craig was waiting for him.

Craig's head snapped up at the sound of the door opening, relief washing over him as he saw John Paul walking towards him.

There was something about John Paul that had changed, his shoulders were no longer slumped over and his eyes had lost that haunted look. Craig smiled as he realised that his friend was finding his way back.

John Paul took the bottle of beer that Craig offered with a smile, pouring the cool liquid down his throat.

"You're hurt," Craig said noticing blood on John Paul's hand.

John Paul followed Craig's eyes to the red smear. "It's not mine," he said as he wiped the final trace of Spike from his skin and from his life.

The two friends moved to a table where they sat in a comfortable silence as they finished their drinks.

"Thank you," John Paul said after a while.

"For what?"

"Everything… for being there."

John Paul placed his hand over Craig's and held it tightly; "I couldn't have done this without you."

Craig's eyes rested on John Paul's hand, it's fingers curled around his own and for some reason he had no urge to pull his arm away, there was no concern in him over who might see.

"Ohhh – I KNEW you two boys were close!" Craig turned with a grimace to see Darren stood behind John Paul.

John Paul pulled his hand away and threw Craig an apologetic look.

"Don't stop holding hands on my behalf," Darren continued with a sneer, "You pair of pansies."

Craig had had enough, if the last few days had taught him anything it was that the lies had to stop, and this seemed as good a time as any to begin.

Rising to his feet Craig placed his hands on the tabletop and leant over towards Darren.

"You know something Darren," he said, "You are a real piece of work, you're just one ignorant little idiot really."

Darren opened his mouth to object but Craig hadn't finished.

"But on the other hand," he continued, "Just occasionally you get something right."

With that Craig cupped John Paul's face in his hands and leant forward to brush a soft kiss against his lips.

"And if you've got a problem with that," Craig said as he returned to his seat, "I really couldn't care less."

Darren walked back to the bar muttering to himself as John Paul stared at Craig with amazement.

"I can't believe you just did that," John Paul breathed as he ran a fingertip over his lips still feeling the featherlike touch of this kiss that Craig had left there.

It may have only been a fleeting kiss but they both knew that it was one that meant more than any other they had ever shared.

"I'm tired of the lies John Paul," Craig said taking hold of his friend's hand tightly as if he never intended to let it go again. "I'm sorry for everything that I've put you through. But it ends now. I want you… only you… if you'll still have me."

John Paul's face broke into a huge smile, "You know that's all I've ever wanted," he said, "but are you sure this time?"

Craig nodded, "There aren't many things in life that I AM sure about, but this is one of them. I love you."


End file.
